Not What I Wanted…New Scan Results

Standard

Well, it’s my 3rd ct scan in a row with lousy news.  I have new cancer growth after 5 months of chemo.  19 chemo doses and the cancer is growing.  It’s enough to give a girl doubts.

So, I will get another port installed asap with great hopes that the surgery works this time because the veins are done.
And then I will start on the imported doxil that I should have gone on 6 months ago were it available.
My bone marrow is very tired but my body continues to function fairly well.  I biked the hour each way to get my dour news.
And my great ‘research’ team abandoned their personal plans for last night to huddle instead over strategies to get my prior clinical trial unblinded and leave me eligible for a new clinical trial out of Pennsylvania.
And that’s enough to give a girl the sliver of hope she needs to keep on keepin’ on.
Enjoy the now because it is real.
xo  marcy
p.s.  The photo attempts to show a work I made at a death and dying workshop last summer.  You may or may not be able to tell that the turtle is literally 1/8th off the work and leaving the lovely nature scene.  I was trying to create the sense of moving forwards, regardless, to inspire me when it all seems a bit much. (Of course, the turtle and I both know that she is headed to an even better beach.)
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