Adapting to a (Too) Short 1st Remission

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 Last week was tough.  Too many consults with doctors that crushed our few hopes.  I am inoperable in the abdomen.  I am inoperable in the chest.  I am too high risk for radiation.  Chemo is the only option.  First choice chemo, doxil/caelyx, is available in every other country but ours as big pharma has created a supply line collapse because of unregulated greed.  (I just heard that there are no drugs available to treat TB in this country – that should scare everyone into action.  Government needs to step in.)

It is wrong but it is also my only reality.  I need drugs now.  Cancer doesn’t wait.
My docs did not initially agree on a chemo approach with one wanting to proceed gently (to preserve my marrow for as long as possible) but the other wanting to be as aggressive as possible even if the optimum drugs are not available.  We will go (not that I have felt very consulted) with the most aggressive approach because they believe I am young and fit enough to handle it.  My first infusion will be Monday, November 7th with or without the surgical port installed to make treatment more bearable.  I stay on the waitlist for the top choice chemo but no one expects availability of that this year.
Mike and I leave for a 2 week visit to family in Holland that starts later this week.  It’s all about making the most of the now.  And in that spirit I must stop typing, get on my bike for the 10 mile trek to my fitness class for cancer warriors, then to my clinic for acupuncture and then for my first session of spiritual counseling.
much love,marcy
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